Consulting Philosophy...

So technically, that last one wasn't really the "last" one. Hahahaa.
Here ya go;

Case-By-Case

When I first started taking consultations at the Writing Center, I was hesitant to try any kind of practices that weren't strictly out of our guide books. It took me a few weeks, before I realized the fluidity and malleable qualities of every session I conducted within a day's work. The most marvelous of things happened, and I began to vividly envision the way my sessions could go if I adopted an adaptative approach to each and every session. The possibilities were endless and entirely new, a different and fascinating world opened up to me as a Writing Center consultant.
During our classes, discussion became rooted less in a theoretical sense, and more within reality. We all began to understand the ways of consulting, and the power of one-on-one sessions with students. This powerful academic interaction has yet to cease in fascinating me, holding me in a tight, vice-like grip; showing the real potential behind a student's work and the ways in which to coax it out of even the most introverted. As Melissa always said to us in class, “We're giving you tools to put into your tool belt to use during these sessions.” And right before my eyes, I witnessed myself implementing strategies I had read about and incorporating them seamlessly into a session, so much so I would always want to stop and ask the student if they noticed me doing it. But of course that would ruin the magic!
Tutoring became a much less complex web of strategy and more like an organized compartment of drawers inside my mind. I like to keep things in tidy little boxes, possibly with labels, so they are easy and quick to locate and use when the situation calls for it. I began to use a quick mental check list that was vague and generally applicable to most students and their work, and once I had located the student within a category or need, I could use the group of tools that best suit them and their personality. I know this seems like the start of stereotyping, but I made sure to never let silly assumptions get in the way of helping a student to the fullest of my capabilities and knowledge. The multitude of readings on the very act of simply categorizing gave me enough warning to know when to stop assuming and start asking questions. Which leads into one of the biggest pillars of my own philosophy on the art of tutoring. (And yes, it's an art form.)
Beyond the standard greeting and “How is your day going so far?”, I always ask the student to be specific in the assignment's parameters and guidelines. Usually they are delightfully prepared and bring the syllabus or assignment sheet and I get the chance to see, just by that small amount of writing, what their professor may or may not tolerate, and exactly how far I can go with this student. And I say, “far” because I strive to take them somewhere, even if its just a few inches forward. If I happen to be having a rather brilliant day, and I get to take them more than just a few inches or feet, but leaps and bounds beyond where they started, I know that I did my job and I did it well. This is top priority; new realizations, a new skill (however small) or just a different way of seeing the same paper they've been frantically staring at is my ultimate goal.
I feel that I may take too dominant of a stance with a student and their work, assuming a more “teacherly” role rather than tutorly, and I have worked to try tone this aggressiveness down. I always try to remember to ask the student what they want, it's a simple as that. “What do you want me to look over?”, “What would you like to go over today?”. These deceivingly simple requests which can make all the difference in the world. It can take a session from down right stale to ablaze with creativity and best of all, productivity. When going at it from a general angle I keep the HOC's in mind and work on down to the LOC's if there is time. Generally, and we all know this is true, no piece of writing is ever truly finished, and can always use another round of revision or a new pair of eyes. This holds true with even the most pretentious of students (and yes, I am going to call them pretentious, because some of them smack of it). It's always interesting to see their reactions to my seemingly mystical ability to pull something new and possibly (hopefully) even better from their brains.
Vocalization of ideas and using a pencil on paper, rather then a pen or marker are also central pillars in my practices and therefore my philosophy. There is no limit to how much you can quiz, poke, prod and squeeze out of someone. “Why”, asked a hundred times should still a get a slightly new and genuine response; there can never be a moment of conclusion. Expansion is one of my favorite activities to focus on when I work with students and I can usually manage to get even a little bit in on the most stubborn. I refuse to use pens or markers on student papers, and sometimes I'll refuse to write on it completely. I will put a pencil between their fingers if need be, and I'm not afraid to confront an issue head on at any stage of the writing or surrounding any topic. I keep my subjectivity to a minimum, always acting immensely interested in their research or observations while usually having an easy time finding something to discuss with the student about what they just read to me, or I may have just read to them.
These practices may be simple, and I like them that way. There should be a certain level of thought and contemplation put into a student's experience while working with us, but to over think and unnecessarily nit pick at a student or their behavior or even your own reaction to them will always be awkward and cause tension. The easiest way to handle any situation while working with a student is to take it step by step, using the tools we have as well as know-how and experience we've acquired and had bestowed on us through our fellow consultants. All in all, case by case is my mantra, and always keeping in mind that strategy includes a healthy dose of “It just depends!”.

The End..

Of a new beginning! GOTCHA! :D

So this may or may not be my final entry into this blog, who knows, I may write more about my philosophy or experiences or post other seriously relevant WC knowledge on here. Especially the Lolcatz. Those have utmost importance.

Well, all in all, I will say, as my first semester working one-on-one with students, it went a helluva lot more smooth then I really expected. I won't go so far as to say that I expected brimstone and the burning pits of hell at times, but I didn't expect all the fun I'd have. Especially at a JOB. I mean sure there were times when things were a bit tense and awkward with students or even the other consultants, but those times blew over rather quickly and with some easy, and I found myself a bit more experienced socially. I mean, me, being socially graceful or even slightly appropriate, thats nonsense. Except it happened. I got more damn people skillz. This is a good and bad development, I am rather attached to my "bad" attitude. But there is always a time and a place I guess. And while working with students I'm genuinely happy, interested and willing to help so its not all entirely a rouse, I'm a softie way deep down.

So I'm going to start with the bad first, in our typical fashion. I had the hardest week of the ENTIRE semester this week. I have now made a resolute decision to NEVER work finals AGAIN… People were rude, cranky, snarky, bitchy and short with me, and they're the ones asking ME for help. Last time I checked, you can't come in and have us wave our magic WC wands and make the paper a spectacular piece of work with no errors and an exponentially important grade. Sorry, not how it works buddy. I almost lost it with a woman this morning, she came 20 minutes early, and I wasn't on yet so I had her wait. I guess I could have surfed FB somewhere else but she was sighing and giving me all kinds of nasty body language. Well, I'm one of those people that when stuff like that happens to me, it only reinforces a resistance and stubbornness within me. I won't do exactly what you WANT me to do because you're being snotty. Its how I was raised, and it's how I work now, and I know its not exactly, mature, per-say, but thats the way I see it.
So after working with her, I was left with a very nasty, sour taste in the back of my throat. She was insolent, rude and pushy. She didn't bring anything to work on and was convinced neither I, nor Phil were giving her the information she wanted. She went out in a huff and made me feel bad. That is exactly how I DON'T want to remember my last day of the first semester… It got a lot better with my other appointment so that was worth it.

BUT HONESTLY, I wanted to smack most of the people that did come in today, and all of the ones that essentially stood us up. Good thing they don't really miss out anything skipping out on the last day were open. Sucks for those who think we're open tomorrow. MUAHAHAHAHAHAA….. alright, so I may be a BIT vengeful because of the extreme sense of exhaustion and stress I can't seem to shake just yet even tho this is technically the LAST assignment for me this semester. :D

Anyhow, on to the good. It was all good. The class was good, the question of the day was good. The veterans and the 303ers were too. I love everyone and I am so happy to know all of them and to have had this great and wonderful opportunity. It was awesome and I feel really at home in the Center and am so happy I found it when I had the ability to stay here for a few years. :D I'm going to miss Melissa as director next year, but thats to think about then, WE STILL GOT YOU FOR A WHOLE NEW SEMESTER. :D Good, good good gooooood. I'm really sleep deprived right now, and I'm just positively giddy.

I made so many friends this semester and had the opportunity to hold so many cool conversations, however brief, with people in the Center. I can't imagine how my life would be like right now without them. I'm not much of a friend maker, and I seem to be more of a friend loser at this point, but those that are sticking around are the ones worth having around and the new ones make life new and bright and shiny again. Even in the dull nasty grossness of icky winter. I've learned so much about myself as well this semester. I didn't think it was possible to learn as much as I did. I've really started to grow and turn into a person I like seeing in the mirror and to me thats the most valuable of all life experience. I wouldn't be able to do it without the people I go to work with though.

And my writing! Goodness gracious, I didn't think I could make that much progress either. I know I have raw talent but this class and these experiences have made me really take a few steps back from the shitty first and fifth drafts and really hone in on things that need real attention. I've started to become more aware of some of the most minute details and I've ever started getting better at mentally organizing my thoughts so I have less global revision to do, and concentrating more on sentence level issues that I never gave the time of day to before this semester. And just in the nick of time for upper division!

I can't thank you Melissa, nor everyone else enough for everything. Its just been fantastic. I tell EVERYONE about how much I love my job, and how much it means to me and how valuable the experience has been and will continue to be.

I can't wait for next semester and I can't wait to be a part of the Mentoring program, and making even more new friends and seeing even more improvement within student work beyond just one session or a few. :D
Here's the to coolest director, boss and teacher as well as friend I know!
Thank you Melissa.

:D

LOL CATS TIME!!!!

I will still write in this periodically, I kept meaning to, but forget

Next week is our mock conference, dressing up optional, so it looks like I may be the only one.
I'm currently in bed for the second day in a row fighting some kind of cold sickness that has taken up residence in my sinuses.

We met one of the two candidates for the director position next year and I was in a minority that liked him.
We meet our second candidate this week and I have a few chances to over the course of the week. I've been told I'll like him... MK. Haha.

I feel a library and tea session imminent as I've done nothing all weekend except browse and watch through too many netflix movies.
All in all, very excited for next semester, I have a fairly decent and heavy credit load, working in the Center AND the Fellyn program that is going to change to the Writing Mentor Program. :D

I'm going to go kick this cold's ass with a hard dose of homework conviction. Hahahaaaaa.

As always, lolcatz.

Supercritical Meltdown

Almost happened today.
Narrowly avoided. Still barely passing EDCIFS 201.

Meltdown is still eminent.
Awaiting proper decision making techniques to occur out of thin air...

This may take awhile...
ugh.

In the meantime I used this as an excuse to browse too many pages of lolcatz.

This was too awesome not to post.

ALSO these culprits:
there
vs
their
vs
they're

GET IT RIGHT.

"We are seriously like the American govt right now..." - Aundrea -- Journal 10

As always, my weeks are starting to go by pretty smoothly. I am handling the consultations with competence, and maybe even proficiency? I was starting to reflect on sessions after they happened, usually in other classes, because I get super bored. And I'd like to say that I'm definitely developing my own style. I was very excited to hear about six whole positions in the Fellyn program this next semester. I hope I get one?!

I found the revision of the evaluation at times, yes, frustrating, as that is where my quote for today came from. She was getting so upset. It was funny but also frustrating at the same time cuz I was enjoying myself. I also was wondering if we are getting a little too out of hand? I feel like after a while today you stopped really laughing with us and were kind of just getting frustrated. I do admit that it seems Michael and Val get really out of hand, even more then Rob and Justin who were, dare say I? Subdued? The antics of this class keeps me super interested and intrigued. I'm usually the loudest one in my most of my smaller classes, but this one has got me beat. I like to sit back a whole lot more in this one then any of the others and just watch it escalate.

I made a list of the projections I believe my fellow newbs make about their certain skills, knowledge and personality I don't know most of them THAT well, since I work with generally the same four people, but I've come in at different times to try and get a better feel and I try to sit in different places to mix it up. But I'm startin to really like sitting next o Aundria and April.
So, my list:
Justin: dreamy, whimsical, more fiction-esque, details and building (as in plot and characters)
Rob: Very professional, sharp, to the point, but always politically and politely correct.
Michael: Eclectic, always thinking of the negation, qualifier or Devil's advocate position. He seems to always be two steps ahead somehow, when I'm barely keeping up. Its kind of impressive, but he is very, colloquial? in his opinions.
Valerie: I'll be upfront, she looks and acts and laughs like my real mother of whom I'm not a large fan so I have this unfair grudge toward her for reminding me of the absolute last person I want to ever think of... BUT I think she's a lot more light hearted and humorous, though immature at times and very predictably so, but I think she uses it to cover up something else. Or just to have fun... I haven't figured her out at all yet... I wish she didn't remind me of my mom cuz I'd like her a lot more!
Lila: I love Lila. I just like that she's there and all thats she's gone through. She's "EXPERIENCE" in my mind. I used to be uncomfortable around her cuz she's like... a grandparent figure, but I'm sure she's more understanding then I give her credit for. She's one of the few I wish I got to spend ANY time with. She also reminds me of traditional times, simpler times, times when things were probably a lot different and I love that she's still going with it.
Heather: Since the second week GRAMMAR is all I can think of when I think of Heather. She's rules, and precision.
April: Fastly becoming a favorite, April is sweet, and nice. The girl next door, and she gives a little too much and cares a little too much, and I think thats the biggest thing we have in common. Today, I made fun of her for being so overtly feminine and se took it in stride. :D She's easy going and modest, and honest. And always engaged and caring. She never ceases to amaze me with how much effort she puts forth in just everyday activities.
Aundrea: OH AUNDREA. The inspiration of my title this week, the words I could not find to fit her other then, colorful. She's a good time.
Sara: I think of her as the Alt side of the center. I'm always expecting something unexpected from her. I really dig that.
Rachel: Contradictory, difficult and analytic. She's got a quick mind and wit but she's still super nice and personable, thats a hard task.
Ben: I think Ben is super funny, but I don't think he thinks he is. He's really serious, and reserved it seems, but then he wears tie dye wolf shirts. I think of him as the WoW strategist big time critical thinker.
Ryan: Is the closest thing to grey area I've ever seen, he has convictions but I never feel a zeal of passion or commitment from him, unless its about music. I do enjoy talking to him about Edu things tho. I also admire his ability to always be nice, and have this really awesomely friendly neutral tone that I know I'll never have.
Shawn: Easy enough, Pharoah. He's fun to talk to as well. Has lots of good stories and when he does speak up in class it's usually worth listening to.
(Not that anyone else isn't though.)

I figured I'd share my observations with you, and then also ask where you think I fall into this. And this ties in with the readings this week (look at these connections!) with the many "hats" we wear. I wrote a discussion Q on this, but I wanted to get your feedback as I have a hard time trying to categorize myself, and I'm me. I wonder if its hard for others? If I might be coming off some way I may not want to? I'm just mainly curious, I know I'm super forward usually and sometime a bit lacking in tact, but I'm all good intentions, I swears.

I made an equation today as well!
MINIMALIST + ALTERNATIVES (DIRECTIVE) = Good mix.
Its a generality I'm seeing in the patterns of my sessions. I've been trying to think back on my last session while I'm prepping or starting up my next so that I know what worked last time and how much I'll bank of that working this time or if I should use a different approach. I'll also switch mine a few times in one session to try and get the best results out of the student, but I also do as I mentioned in class, and I think I give a little too much too fast. I'm a bit too eager, and I have a hard time justifying making myself not be so, when all I want to do is do so! But after this weeks readings, it put me in a little bit more perspective, and I think I can maybe gauge a bit better about when to be super directive and uhm... controlling... and when to just lay off. I do enjoy the control...
Pretty much if there is a "norm" I'll find a way to break it and still get adequate if not preferable results from said actions. Thats just how I roll.

I have found a new mantra that I feel will be my guiding light for the next week or so, or whatever. REFLECTION REFLECTION REFLECTION. I thought the whole art analogy to sessions was almost dead on, but if taken to a mini-scale. I feel that if I made sure to set aside anywhere for a few to five (or more) minutes for the student to sit and talk about the paper as a whole, in sections and in connections, they might benefit. Even if its just asking, does your intro and conclusion essentially do the same but reversed thing? Sum up? Or do you feel that you lead the reader on a well guided journey? Does your destination, if you wish to call it that, get them where you wanted them? Do you like your writing? Did you learn anything?

I think that might help, and I'm curious to see what I get from students. I have one final note, and it should be quick, then a lol cats?!?!KFJDK!? (Its kinda late now that I finally starting writing this after thinking about writing it for two hours...)
Do the veterans have any kind of discussions like we do at all? I feel like we make a lot of Center-centered decisions without their input, but then I remember that you are the director and you must be getting theirs somehow... this was an issue for me mostly with the "community" issue. I don't know, I just wanted to see how that went about. I'm always curious about them. And I'm pretty sure I work with some of the quietest veterans (Ian, and Phil) but also some of the loudest (Rick).

Alright, I'm excited to see what you say to this and for next monday and just everything in general, as usual. ALSO SUPER STOKED TO FINALLY WRITE A REAL PAPER FOR A CLASS I LIKE AND WANT TO WRITE FOR. :D


LOLcatz time.
This isn't exactly a cat, but its still funny.

Avoid being a "horrible red-pened douchebag" - MK

This week was a fairly productive one, my first shot at just a "practice" email consultation left me feeling pretty confident that I could continue doing any that I could get my hands on. It reminds me of the peer editing that we had in Kopplemann's class through both semesters I had wit him and I liked having the chance to really sit and reflect for a bit on a writer's work and concerns. Its a lot different then a face-to-face consultation but I like the differences, but still enjoy my one-on-one time. I found Joy's "mash-up" of our responses very useful, and she actually used more than entire paragraph from mine (am I allowed to disclose this information?!). This made me happy. :D I worried that going over the page limit and cramming as much information as I could for this one response would have negatively effect her decision to continue giving me these kinds of tasks later on in this semester or next, since it seems we don't get many email consults and the veterans already have a pretty strong grasp on them.

The readings were really great this week, Kudos Melissa for picking them! I really enjoyed the piece about Fannie the BW. It was long but it had all the right information in it to really feel like you experienced the consultations and frustrations of both the student and consultant. I didn't really like Morgan until the end, and when I read the same paragraph that you did in class (I have it underlined in my book) I realized that she was just doing the very best she could with very little training, support and determination and passion for her student. The learning disability presented in the other reading just blew my mind, again it makes me thankful that my brain works in a generally "normal" way. I do have a few difficulties absorbing and retrieving information if their not put into a fairly visual aspect, but nothing as severe as Barb's situation or Mike Tam's.

I also want to mention again that I've had NOTHING but good experiences with non-trad students, I don't ever feel like they're being condescending or judgmental towards little sophomore me with my piercings but still bubbly smile. I'm also glad that no one else in the Center seems to judge me for these small, aesthetic aspects of my entire person. It means a lot to me, its not that I'm insecure with the way I've made myself look, I'm just sick of being on the defensive for it. Generally I run into curiosity (especially now that I have my septum pierced) than harsh judgement, but I still hate having to give strangers an explanation. I don't really like strangers, ever, really. Except for the ones I get to work with and get to know, so they aren't "strangers" any longer.

My consultations this week went fairly and normally well. I had a lot of the communication 101 research papers and had different approaches to each one which made each session individualistic and interesting. Out of the four sessions I had this week that involved these papers there were two with positive experiences and one with a negative experience and another with a little bit of both. They were all at very different stages of the very recursive (see I remembered!) writing process. My negative experience had a hard time understanding why I wanted him to put in at least ONE TEENY TINY positive experience to try and balance his paper and make it seem a little bit more objective and not so slander-esque in nature. My positive experiences had nothing but good things to say about their groups, and one girl just needed me to have her formulate an actual "thesis". She had all her experiences and some research but no real direction. I got to do the whole, "tell me about it, write it down and contemplate it in the context of the entire essay" routine. It was fun and I think she really learned a good thing about writing one. Because her main concern was that her writing never seemed "focused" enough. And I got to show her how to get it to do that! :D

My last session this week was an international student who didn't opt to take the 121, 122, 123 classes to better help him with composition and writing. I asked him if he had taken these, he said "No." And he didn't seem very interested in my suggestions to do so. He can speak fairly well, and writes much better than he speaks, but as a Chinese exchange student he has some HOC concerns with structure, and formatting, as well as the typical issues with verb tenses and articles. I tried to touch on some stuff so he could go away with something other than me having him rewrite his thesis and APA citations, but he didn't seem very interested. I hate when they act like that. I just kept on going to what he wanted, but felt that he would benefit from a longer session or taking another composition class, but alas, as we discussed in class its not my PLACE let alone part of my job to have them realize what would ultimately be best for them.

ARGH! Haha, sometimes I wish I could just make them do as I say, but then I'd be a dictator, and no one likes a dictator. I have some notes on reader/writer assumption relationship, and also on our responses in sessions as well as email consults, and ho to make GENUINE responses that don't seem canned and unfriendly. I also liked April's idea of a compliment sandwich. which i use in person ALL the time when I want to criticize someone, but don't really want to make it totally obvious thats what I'm doing. I have a lot of notes, and I've already written a lot, and I don't want to take up too much of your time so I'll wrap it up. Aside from the entry I wrote last night, I just wanted to say that this is turning out to be a very worthwhile decision I made to give myself this opportunity. My semester would SUCK without the Center and all of the people in it.

:D

Again, Happy Halloween, have fun as Squirrelll! I'll be rocking the corpse bride look tomorrow.

Mentor (This isn't my next journal, just a precursor)

Over the past few weeks in class and the center I have become increasing comfortable not just with tutoring, but also with approaching the veterans and Joy with questions. I have also become quiet comfortable with going into Melissa's office when she doesn't seem too loaded with tasks and chit chatting about things and I love when we get to exchange quick morning greetings when I come in all sweaty and wheezy from my power walk from Ann Morrison (free parking).

I have been struggling with relating to some of my fellow peers and superiors because my main mentor from last year, Zach, is no longer with us. I knew that my adventure in the center would be a lot different than my journey through 101 ad 102 with Zach but, I never quite anticipated the various feelings I would run into that would crop up during this experience. I have had to come to terms with the apprehension I have when approaching someone for help or advice. For two reasons, I don't like admitting I need help, I am a very stubborn and proud person and I don't like changing my mind about something so when I encounter situations where I need to do this, its usually fairly difficult to convince myself to do as such.

But back to my main point, I have started to feel a lot more comfortable with the WC, the people and its lovely director. And sitting in class today, I was really happy to have Melissa as my guiding light, if I'll be bold. Her compassion and motivation to make sure that the experiences we have while in Engl 303 and and while working in the center is nothing short of mind bogglingly amazing, and her dedication is a model of which I hope to also reach. I guess what I'm trying to say is, "Melissa, you're truly amazing, inspiring and greatly appreciated." You're kind of like superman. I'm going to keep titling my Journals for the rest of the semester with some sort of amazing quote that you give me during that next week, wether its of wisdom or just a funny little quirky thing you said, it still inspires me.

I feel that I have found someone I'm comfortable with when I have to ask questions, get clarification or if I just want to talk. I feel like you care, and I also want to say I feel like Joy and the veterans and my fellow newbs do as well. Its almost odd for me to be in such a large group that seems to get along so well! Its really just refreshing for someone like me that believes the human race really isn't all the good most of the time.

Again, I know I've said this a million times, but I am so so so so so so sooooo happy for this experience and grateful and it just keeps getting better, and better and better. I look forward to my shifts at the WC with GREAT anticipation and excitement and really want to work EVEN MORE. But I don't think I can sacrifice anymore homework time at this juncture. But seriously, I am so happy. English 303 and working in the WC are the highlights of my day, of my semester so far, and quite possibly my college career in general.

But I still miss Zach a ton. But I'm glad I've formed a similar relationship with Melissa as well.

Again, HAPPY FREAKING HALLOWEEN. :D
Here's a kinda funny Halloween lolcatz. I had trouble finding one I liked that was halloween themed.

"I say 'awesome' all the time, it's totally academic!" - M.K. Journal 9

This week most of my appointments kind of blurred together and I don't really remember much from them other than the fact that they happened,they were boring and I was tired. The only thing that really stuck out this week from everything else was getting to work with Mike Tam.
As a person and a student he seems like a really amazing person. Being a disabled war veteran I have a lot of respect for him, but his kind personality and generous understanding of not only his predicament but also ours made working with him a real pleasure even if the work we do with him is closer to proof reader than tutor. I talked to April and Aundrea about him before he came in so I had prior knowledge of his specifi impairments and after an hour and only five or so pages with him, I couldn't help but emphathize with his struggles. Though it is his lot in life to have this disability, its eye opening to myself especially to have such an inept ability to clearly and concisely communicate my ideas from my mind into my fingers and onto a sheet of paper. I couldn't imagine not having that connection and the ease with which it creates when I sit down to write a paper.
After the hour, I was in a state of reverence, and ultimately, comtemplation about the smaller gifts in life. Like my ability to easily write papers that almost always come out exactly as I want them to. His little dog was so cute, I loved her. She got slightly impatient with us towards the end, but I was impressed with how well she behaved even when she looked really uncomfortable and uneasy. I was also greatly comforted by the fact that Mike had gotten ahold of a program to help him speak his paper versus trying to over come the disconnect that appears to have developed between his brain and his fingers. That session will probably always stand out to me, becaue it really put a lot of the little things in life in perspective for me.

Beyond that, the readings on online tutoring were interesting but also kind of confusing when I wasn't exactly sure what kind of system we have in our WC. Once we discussed it in class, after the pleasant time spent with Gail, I more fully understood the task at hand with email consultations. I think that I'll really take to them, personally, as I like to read and ponder, and respond to other people's papers while they're not there. Even though a face to face consultation would be most beneficial, I think the email consults will help break up the monotony of papers I've been seen. (FYI I have four comm 101 research papers next week, oh yay, required visits. =[ )

I wanted to talk a little bit about the stuff that Gail spoke of during her time in our class last night. I feel that what she brought to the table for us was very useful and almost imperatively important because without some of the information that she gave us I was feeling a little bit lost and frustrated (should I say frugated?) when dealing with some of the ESL students. I feel that we both just get sucked up in the sentence level issues that both of us know and understand and have the most ease in talking about. When I try to touch on some HOCs, that aren't grammar thats impeding the meaning of the paper, becoming an HOC, they seem so resistant. I understand that I'm just making suggestions and that they can take it or leave it, but I still wish a they would just give me some more feedback. I have been falling back on trying to find some kind of pattern, albeit verbage, or tense agreement, but I always try to give them something NEW to latch on to and remember and apply later on. But I feel that sometimes this won't happen in that particular session and I just feel like I've done them a disservice.

I am going to have to become a little bit more assertive when it comes to prioritizing and organizing the time spent together because I think both of us have become confused in sessions when I have just asked about the assignemnt, started reading and correcting. I may even just not let myself hold anything to write with the first ten minutes of the session so I'm not compelled to fall into that proof-reading trap that is so easy to fall into, not with just ESL papers, but also anyone how has a lot of small, distracting sentence level errors.

I have let lose some of my rigidity on an "ideal" text that they or I may feel I am trying to make them sound like. I understand that the point isn't to assimiliate them completely into the NES culture even if that is what they may most want. I understand that keeping a little of their own personal voice is one of the more important concerns, even if they don't quite recognize that yet. I believe that making sure their writing is still competent but their style isn't comprismised is one of the greatest things I can strive to achieve. Because if they can write in an acceptable fashion but still have their own twist and voice within even the most mudnane of research papers, then they are truly like the better of the NES writers. Keeping some kind of yourself in a larger mass of a writing community you're trying to fit into is more important than assimiliating into the even more boring and dangerously homogenous world of typical NES writers and speakers. I wish more ESL students understood this, and maybe some will after a few sessions with me or any one else and realizing that having good writing ability is more important than soundind like those other 150 papers that instructor will have to read. Those that stand out will get the most recognition, its just learning and adapting to stand out in the creative and surprising way, rather than the "foreigner that doesn't know how to write" way.

After Gail's visit, its kindled a new obsession with the amazing-ness of language aquistion and the powers of language, those that are native to use and those that aren't. I've been really into critical pedagogy and post modernism in application to education and the surround language and writing aspects and its all just too intersting. I wish I had more time to look. But after her visit I feel that I can help those ESL students who schedule with me better then I could before.

Have a great weekend! This one is on time! WOOO! :D I may even put in a lol catz.



They're all so funny, its so hard for me to pick just ONE.

Next Journal, I forgot what number it is

This is three days late. I suck. I also just don't know what to say. Workin' is going good. I had quite a few fairly productive and almost inspiration appointments. But still am having a hard time dealing with no show's and being treated like a grammar machine.

I like that we have a new policy on no show's and cancellations but still feel that it may not make a giant difference. Today I had one girl schedule an hour two days ahead of time, then no show, cancel her 1st half hour and showed up late to her second half hour that she kept... I wasn't exactly happy to work with her. It was also a very light assignment and I wish I had known that because whatever she SAID it was, it wasn't... it was a thank you letter for a scholarship donation..... OK.

In other news, Phil is a karaoke master. I had fun watching people sing and being in a bar atmosphere. So very fun. Kinda bummed that Gail wasn't able to show up last week. I was really looking forward to more experience and different exposure to ESL students. I feel like everyone else gets all these cool students and super productive, or at least interesting, sessions and then I don't... I guess thats probably just a common newb feeling.

The readings to me were super interesting but I just can't get over how much I didn't like the Power's reading. I understand that it was a summary of the progression their attitudes and approaches toward ESL students but it just came off as judgmental and almost shallow. That may just be my interpretation of it tho. I liked the other two pieces, the myth one especially tho some of the myths could be revised.

I'm excited to hear what Gail has to say about ESL students and their own particular needs, as well as learning about email consultations. I think I'll really like email consultations. I like the idea of it, so i think it will be a nice, and natural extension of the one on one in person tutoring.

So far, just taking it one day at a time and really enjoying everything!

Hazzah! Success! Glory! Victory!

Two of three appointments showed up today. I had an awesome day. I helped on gentleman with a refresher course on research paper writing, and was pleasantly surprised to see someone working at something well before the due date to insure the most complete, accurate and best work he could possibly turn in. He was also another fellow art major so I had great fun with our discussion.

My next appointment was a engl 101'er and she was convinced she had NO idea of how she was going to do an exploration for her class on some kind of community (or subculture) she is or was a part of. Turns out she's been on a swim team for over half of her life, and she made quite the list of potential points to talk about and describe. I was so happy! I even did the whole, "Here", hands a pencil to student, watches them scribble what they just said down. I sat back and let her talk her ideas out and by the end of it she was genuinely surprised that she generated so much to work from, I also assured her that once she starts writing it will get even easier.

:D Happy as a clam today. HAZZAH!!!!

Plus I got more hoursssss and I'm just having so much fun in the Center. Seriously its one of the main reasons why I look forward to Monday (who thought that was possible?) and Wednesdays.

Mmmhm!

Kickin' ass and takin names

Thank you Jenny and Melissa for taking it!!!! It made me giggle so hard.

6th Journal

This week was my first official week on the schedule as a "real" consultant and it didn't go exactly as I had envisioned it would. I had three appoints over the duration of the week and none of them showed. I was quite hurt and disappointed mainly because I was super excited to help people that had made real appointments with me. I did have a good few sessions with the same gentleman who is English 90, and had to write a paper that would take the writer out of the expreience and make it almost completely descriptive. Other then that I just sat around and watched everybody else's appointments show up rather then my own.

I quite enjoyed the reading this week on working with ESL students. The majority of the walk ins and sit ins I've done have been with ESL students and like I said last night if I were to make a scale of the students that come in that I admire most, ESL students would be at the top for the impressive determination and focus. I know that Melissa also said that that is ther "lot" in life, but still, I mean its impressive to see ANYONE work that hard for anything.

Ialso found the contridictions within the different readings also very interesting and didn't really pick up on it until it was mentioned in class last night. I also liked the different theories of language aquisiton that were presented. I haven't really dabbled in linguists much, mainly because as an art major, it doesn't come up but with my english minor I'll take a few linguistics courses. I'm really excited to take more courses in the english field and have been debating changing my major until about a week ago when I discovered the perfect way to say WHY I'm taking a more aesthetic approach to teaching rather than with writing and composition. (Though the connection between art and writing is still very strong, at least within myself, with thoughts also provoking artistic expression as well as with writing,the visual arts are just another form of language to express ideas.)

I almost want to double major but then I'd be trying to kill myself and I don't think thats the best way to do it. If I go into graduate school, writing could be something to consider. I don't know. I'ma habitual planner, and I like to have all these crazy ideas cooked up to make myself feel like I'm actually doing something interesting and crazy unique.

Class was a riot last night and I want to give Melissa giant KUDOS for having a Kolln review. It made a lot more sense then if I were to read it. I also put in my discussion Q's (for Zach if he feels like helping me out with this if he reads this entry) that I'm trying to formulate a visual way to get grammar to work for me. I've been trying mneumonic (SP?) devices to try and help me remember stuff and it seems to be working... kind of. I need to look over all the handouts and materials we have in the center so that I can become more aquainted and familiar with them for future use with native students as well as ESL or ELL or L2 (3,4,5,6?) students. Those acronyms are crazy!

All in all, looking forward to my next appointments next week and making $24 a week! WOO! Can I consider a few hours on friday/saturday? Or longer hours on Wednesday? I stay on campus anyway once I'm done so if it would help out to have me stay longer, that would be cool too. I don't mind tacking on another hour or so a week. I think I can handle it. :D

Also I wanted to leave a nice little chuckle for you guys at the end of my journals now since I'm all Chuck Norris'ed out and what not.
So here you guys go!

No Shows

Both of my appointments for today were no shows. I watched everyone else pick up walk ins and have their appoinments come in early. But I got to sit and enter in files while everyone else got to do what they were supposed to be doing. Further cementing my dissatisfaction with our policy that has no place for no shows. I felt really unwanted and unliked today when both of my appointments didn't show. One did come back later and I took him as a walk in while, I took another walk in at ten when my first didn't show. I just wanted to say that my first day did not go as I had envisioned. =[

I don't feel very happy about being disregarded like that. I even told the first appointment that finally bothered to show up that he hurt my feelings. I hope it made him realize how it's not ok to blow stuff like that off.
=[[
And this cold crappy rainy weather isn't helping my mood at all.

Le Journal 5

I want to start this journal entry with the great and amazing news that I finally finsihed TWO chapters in Kolln and almost understood most what was discussed. This is a giant achievement for me so far, and I hope that this newly emerged progress in the name of grammar understanding and application continues.

This week was a good week, in general existence realted matters as well as WC matters. My monday was super busy, and I really enjoyed the faster pace. Jenny was unfortunately ill, and we had to cover her appointments. I ended up taking a walk in and one of Jenny's appointments. They both were grammar correction based, I tried to convince them to make other possible changes but they were both quite unresponsive to any of my suggestions. I wasn't too hurt in that regard, but I understand that during some sessions I will be more of a grammar and punctuation checker and less of an actual tutor. I guess its something we will all have to get used to as we start consulting on a regular basis.

I didn't do any sit ins but mainly held down the fort the other hour I was in the center. Our activity with your 102 students on thursday evening was a blast! Juan was super cool and had an interseting topic and some good questions and concerns and I believe that Sara and I really made a difference in his thinking about this paper. He already had most of what he wanted to discuss figured out and had his interviews all set up, one done, notes, materials and observation time already planned. I believe he'll do excellently on his paper.

Our readings were pretty informative this week, I enjoyed the Dialogue one best. When they discussed the certain philosophies, I was jumping for joy because I am starting my educational philosophy studies in my foundations class and ACTUALLY knew what they were talking about and understanding it all and making the connections and just throughly enjoying myself. The other two readings, The First Five Minutes for setting an agenda and the different important aspects of various papers were good. I didn't exactly enjoy the first two examples in Newkirk's piece but I understood the purpose of all three. I enjoyed seeing a confrence with both student and teacher interaction.

I am starting to really love and appreciate the time and people in the Center. I am learning so much from the veterans and my fellow 303ers, and I am so happy that I have this opportunity. I had a rough week with my foundations of education professor, and will be filing an official complaint against him, but the support I got from not only Zach in my last post but my fellow peers has given me a new zeal of inspiration for the path I have chosen for myself. I really value this experience I am having because it ties in so nicely and neatly with teaching. I have been trying to define both separately; teaching versus tutoring, and its been difficult. Nonetheless, tutoring will help shape my idea of teaching and my philosophy and pedagogy.

During class there was a lot of good discussion, as usual, and I picked up on the point of being more writer centered then paper centered while were in a session. I liked the idea that Melissa stated that revision is seeing the topic from a different angle or POV or perspective. I also enjoyed the reminders about being personable in sessions. I forget sometimes how much I personally enjoy it when someone who is doing me a service or I have an interaction with is happy that I am doing this with them or that they are helping me. Its so easy to fall into a rut where everyone is the same and to just block out the nice-ness aspect of interaction. I am not a GIANT fan of the human race in general but I love seeing people beam when you ask them how their day is going or even just leaving them with a nice comment as they leave the center. It really is the little things that matter most at times. I am going to try and remember to also include some form of this statement, "What woudly ou like to take away from this session?", in all of my sessions so that both the student and I can have an agenda to follow that both of us with be happy with. Also remembering to use a more positively connotated language versus a negative one when dealing with problems in the papers versus concerns. I am not here to demean or guilt anyone about their writing. I am here to help everyone with their approaches to any kind of writing and help them learn.

The meeting was also very helpful today, and I enjoyed having the discussion we did concerning no shows and appointment restrictions. I am going to hold a strong belief that if the students are taking advantage of us as a resource, and not respect us that our resource should not be as readily accesible to them. I don't believe in people getting away with irresponsible or disrespectful behavior. We're all supposed to be adults around here, so let's act like one sometimes, I mean there are appropriate times to not be. :D

Have a great weekend enjoying the crappy weather. =/ I'm not ready for winter yet!

I AM ABOUT TO RANT

about the absolute absurdity and audacity of some of the faculty on this campus. This past week I have been berated relentlessly about failing my history exam for my foundations of education course. This particular instructor also felt that one shaming and guilt trip remark was not enough. He had to send an entire email to EVERYONE to scare those that failed (31 out of about 100) into dropping his class because of our poor efforts and lack of motivation. I do not see how my failure to pass ONE exam warrants this thought that I am not motivated nor passionate. This instructor has not made an effort to get to know me, as he promised he would with students. He is openly biased in class, and has already made strong suggestions as to how he thinks teaching, and picking future teachers should be conducted. I do not carry many of his same beliefs, and I make my point known in class. I stand up for what I do belief in and I can argue and defend my points with strong conviction and validity. I am not a weak little college student that needs to be shamed for having an off day. I am not someone who will sit back and take abuse like this from a grown man, who resides on our insidious school board, electing officials that mock activists and compassionates alike. I stand strongly against what is grossly wrong within our public education system and our society.

And most of all the main reason I want to become an educator is to try and spread the same sense of awareness to question what is given to you, always. And to NEVER lay down and take abuse like that. Come tuesday after class, I'm telling this particular instructor how much he offended me with his email and so very sadly mistaken he is to underestimate me. I don't take any one's bullshit. Least of all some Ph.D toting biased nincompoop.

There really isn't an excuse why Journal #4 is late...

I'll start off with my few paragraphs dedicated to my detailed observation I had with Jenny on Wednesday. Jenny always uses the same cubicle if she can, I've noticed and always sits on the same side but in her set up even tho each person has their own side of the table there is a still a noticeable and useful closeness of consultant and student. Jenny's body language was very positive, she leaned in when listening and used her hands to make points but also sat and listened very carefully, you could see the concentration in her eyes as she gave the student her undivided attention. Jenny asked to see the student's assignment before they really started discussing it so that she had a very firm grasp and understanding of which to better help the student. She read parts of the assignment and made frequent clarifications throughout the entire session to make sure that they were staying focused and on track, which is very important for making the most out of a 30 minute session.
When it came to whoever did more talking, I can recall that it was about even, the student was allowed to vocalize all of her thoughts and concerns without being interrupted by Jenny and until our exercise in class the following day, I didn't realize how much of an acquired skill that is, just sitting and waiting for them to formulate what to say and vocalize it clearly, or at least enough to get the consultant on the same page with them. Since we didn't look at any actual writing in this session, it was more of a brainstorming session for questions for an interview as well as ideas for what and how to observe, both of their agendas stayed fairly in sync and Jenny only made a few suggestions on what to ask and how to look and take note of before the student started generating ideas of her own. And I could say with a fair bit of confidence that she walked away from the session with a much better understanding of her assignment then before she came in. I hope she did it well! And I feel that from her attitude during and after the session she will be a recurrent client, since I believe it was her first, nervous year.

I don't have a ton of notes on the class, but the few I do are pretty little gems that I took away from that night. I usually have quite a few little epiphanies while I'm in class and always try to frantically scribble it all down before it mystically disappears back into the depths of my subconscious. I have a note written down about how when I read the handouts and guide books and what not, I think it all seems so theoretical and up in the clouds happening off in a fantastical and almost perfect dimension where the student always asks the right questions and we always have the right answers. And then I think about what I just read a little bit more or throughout the day or during a sit in or just while I'm sitting somewhere usually not paying attention in the class I'm in at the moment, and realize that its actually quite natural to ask or do or say a lot of what they've compiled into these books if you've ever had any real customer service experience or anything. And that made me feel a lot better because it made something in print seem a lot more do-able in action. Learning to adopt those practices that don't already just happen, when thinking of them as already natural habits will probably make it a lot easier.

I liked the "show don't tell" policy as well as the WC's version of "potential energy" that we discussed. Essentially, besides acting as a model for what a good writer already looks like in many different and wonderfully varying forms, we also help students see the potential they already have. Most that come in, I would almost venture to assume, don't really think they have ANY. But in reality, everyone has LOTS. And our job is just kind of like my old job, where I had to polish and clean things to resurface that potential people had thought something had lost, or may have never known it had. We're just polishing away at them, making them more clear and more bright... its a pretty nice thing to think about being able to do with someone. Making them realize they can ACTUAL do this, and not just do, but do well and get good at. I can't wait to see more of those shining moments. :)

Also game strategies in bite sized chunks was another good thing to really put out in the open, even if that should have been one of those things that should come naturally. Most people can't take anything in large sections, I have to break even the most simple of tasks down even further if a lot of them pile up so that I can actually be efficient and get stuff done. Doing the same for my students is just common sense.

From the readings, I would like to say I liked the hand out a lot because it put a lot of stuff into a small reading but with well detailed and outlined strategies so that it could be a good thing to keep nearby or on hand for light reading to get a better grasp on how to deal with HOCs and LOCs.

Other then that it was a good week, a bit slow in the center and I think I may start coming in more during different hours to try and get some sit in time with someone other then Phil or Jenny. I'm looking forward to our meeting tomorrow, and I'm so very sorry this is late. I know there are no excuses, and there isn't but in my defense, I spent my friday trying to get stuff in order and putting new holes in my face.. I'm not telling you where because you'll notice tomorrow! But it will never happen again, I promise!

Journal III

I finally got to sit on some sessions, after three weeks! My first was with Phil on monday, and we had an ENGL 101 personal essay, and I was really almost touched that Phil was doing a good job of making sure that I felt involved in all the decisions and was keeping up with the conversation. Its almost kind of easy to stare off and not really pay attention, or I might have just been super tired. The kid had some good stuff in his essay, I was super surprised actually, and I remember that he was looking to us with such genuine appreciation. I was almost afraid that having two consultants sitting with him would be intimidating but I think he enjoyed it more then anything. We both gave him really good suggestions on how to keep yourself focused and keep the "flow" going. Once the session was over, I felt I had a better grasp of what actually goes on behind those cubiclesque walls.

The next session I sat in on was with another 303-er, we took a walk in that needed a simple read thru for, yet again, "flow". I keep gigglign every time someone comes in and says that, because its like a joke between all of us it seems like that all these students come in and say things like "flow" and what not and really I just want to correct them and suggest something like fluidity or something along those lines. Just not FLOW.
But it went very well, I want to say his name is Ryan? we ended up having him read his paper, tell us how he thinks its should map out and then revising minor sentence issues such as grammar and punctuation. He was an ESL student and I was glad to have that opportunity to get a first hand experience with one of them.

As far as class discussions went yesterday, I think we're probably the most out of control class I've yet to be a part of. I'm so glad that we can circle or clump together and actually hold real discussions, unlike Justin, Rob and Ryan's group that seemed to do nothing but laugh and be loud, but I guess however you discuss is up to the group. It was the first time I've sat next to Ben and he's a cool guy. I love Heather, she's hilarious, and good at grammar. So props to her. I have been thinking a lot about it since class yesterday and I think that I want to start doing consultations at the end of next week or the week after if I get in on a bunch of sit ins over the next week or so.

The reading was helpful, in the Bedford piece I hadn't realized that a lot of what I already do for brainstorming is in there. I can't branch or web, but I do other visual aids to help me stay organized and focus and trim down on filler and unrelated tangents. The scenarios and tips for global and sentence revision were very helpful as well. It makes it easier to imagine having a student with those problems and how you can go about informing them of their weaknesses as well as strengths. I also found out in our groups that I write papers a lot differently then I thought, but then again both of my groupmates are more orientated on fiction writing then academic and research writing.

The only thing I've noticed in my own patterns for this class is that I really need to get on the bandwagon in grammar skills. I can tell when a sentence is wrong, and usually don't have many grammar mistakes in my own writing, other then a sometimes odd way of writing that I've yet to encounter with anyone else, but when someone asks me WHY it sounds wrong, I'm totally in the dark. So I'm taking Martha with me to Portland this weekend and we're gonna spend some quality time together. And a friend of mine thats also going has offered to help me with some things since apparently at only 16 he's much better at it then myself. =/

I'm excited to start another week at the center, and as I've mentioned before, I feel extremely comfortable there and love helping students when I get a chance, even if its just setting up an appointment or answering a very simple question. I really miss having a job, and so far the WC has helped me a lot in curing boredom and restlessness.

I hope your weekend (s) are absolutely fantastic. Its supposed to rain in Portland all weekend, go figure.

Sit Ins

I finally got to sit on some sessions, after three weeks! My first was with Phil on monday, and we had an ENGL 101 personal essay, and I was really almost touched that Phil was doing a good job of making sure that I felt involved in all the decisions and was keeping up with the conversation. Its almost kind of easy to stare off and not really pay attention, or I might have just been super tired. The kid had some good stuff in his essay, I was super surprised actually, and I remember that he was looking to us with such genuine appreciation. I was almost afraid that having two consultants sitting with him would be intimidating but I think he enjoyed it more then anything. We both gave him really good suggestions on how to keep yourself focused and keep the "flow" going. Once the session was over, I felt I had a better grasp of what actually goes on behind those cubiclesque walls.

The next session I sat in on was with another 303-er, we took a walk in that needed a simple read thru for, yet again, "flow". I keep gigglign every time someone comes in and says that, because its like a joke between all of us it seems like that all these students come in and say things like "flow" and what not and really I just want to correct them and suggest something like fluidity or something along those lines. Just not FLOW.
But it went very well, I want to say his name is Ryan? we ended up having him read his paper, tell us how he thinks its should map out and then revising minor sentence issues such as grammar and punctuation. He was an ESL student and I was glad to have that opportunity to get a first hand experience with one of them.

I'm almost looking forward to doing consultations now! It wasn't that bad after all. I just don't know how well I'll do on my own.

Journal Number Dos

I want to touch on a few points I've noticed in the reading, because I'm starting to see wonderfully colorful and exciting patterns in what Melissa is assigning us and the discussion we're having in class, and outside in the writing center as well. I love seeing the names of author's I've actually read something from, crop up in something else I'm reading. I love love love it. :) It makes me feel all connected and in the loop and what not. I don't feel like I'm grasping into the dark abyss trying to figure out how to connected almost entirely unrelated material that is just handed to me to be read and understood. I don't know why this is such a big deal to me, but I have an inkling that it has something to do with the previous 14 years of public schooling I have participated in that rarely seemed helpful and never connected. I like these connections because its a kind of comfort to see theory and practice intertwine and have what you read and what you observe actually happen in front of you.

I have also noticed a nice pattern in the work we've been doing in this class, the readings and concepts presented all fit together really nicely and smoothly. I wanted to give you kudos, Melissa, for creating such "flow".

Also, when we were looking at your piece on collaboration done via collaboration, a quote in the challenges of collaboration section stuck out, "There is never enough time, collaboration is inconvenient." While I agree with this statement I also think its a little to one-sided, although it never seems like there is enough hours in a day to do anything really, when one is working with a progressive thinking and productive group that doesn't give in to the temptations of group think or group hate, that minuscule amount of time spent together can end up being far more satisfactory then if each separate member of the group were to do the work alone.

I have a lot written down from class last night, and its not entirely smooth as far as going from one point to the next is concerned but I also wanted to mention my experience observing others in the class as well as those I bump into in the Center. I like seeing different people chirp in now and then, because it seems our class is starting to see a trend in who dominates the discussion (Rob, Justin and Bruce (?) I think) I just think of him as awesome tattoo guy or Oxford Comma King.

Our reading that expanded on the idea of writing as a path of discovery as well as a social process has beneficial for me to give writing another facet in which to view it in. I just don't like that there isn't a nice compromise between writing as a social and collaborative activity that ultimately enriches the author's writing in ways that they as just one mind couldn't perceive versus writing as a solitary and exclusive experience known only to the author. I think that both can be true, I am writing this and most of what I write for anything alone, but posting it to a very public social networking website. So the two inevitably mix and I believe that they should be recognized as such. I don't see how you could be so blatantly black and white on such a complex matter. Writing is also recursive as we learned and that the three step process that has been designed to show a much more complicated process, is too elementary but sufficient in showing how a writing can go through prewriting, to writing, back to prewriting to revision on what they've already written and so on and so forth.

I want to end this entry with a point Melissa brought up last night about how one of the aspects of our job as a consultant in the Center is to be an example of that "good" writer that a lot of students hear about but maybe, never see? If they can see us and think, we'll they look normal and seem normal but here they are writing away and doing a good job of it, then it can't be too hard for me to as well. I like the idea that we're almost crusaders in a way, battling to dismantle the fear of writing, or rather the fear and apprehension that they may have toward the unknowns about writing and its processes. I strongly believe so many people dislike writing for the simple reason that they just don't have quite the right grasp as to the tools they need to make it work for them.

I'd also like to comment on an observation I've had since our first initial meeting (almost a month ago now! geez!) and how different it is to be in a class and a community that is considerably more "adult" like in ways that I'm not used to yet. I'm only 19, and sometimes I feel like such a little kid still when I sit in class and don't get a lot of what's going on around me. But the change in scenery and discussion is so nice. I still am having trouble identifying myself as an "adult". And I'm trying to find ways to help myself get over this anxiety, almost that I'm not sufficient. It is slowly starting to disperse as the class continues and as I spend more time in the Center with the veterans and Melissa and Joy.

I also want to say that I feel comfortable at the same time in class, speaking and in the Center, I finally think I found a little corner of the university that feels like home. :)

Have a great weekend! Its supposed to be wonderfully warm.

Pre-journal

I had a lot going on in my mind during class, came home, and then had even more because i got into a giant debate with a 16 year old vegan straightedge anarchist that believes college to be EVIIILLLLLLLLL.
So I've been using my very minuscule amount of mental capacity to defend my position on genuinely loving school and the pursuit of knowledge. That I know, in the end, will be an entire waste because neither one of us is going to change our minds.
ANYWHO.

Today's class RAWKED. I had so much fun and am so happy to have finally realized that I found a niche that I don't mind cuddling right on up into.

I want to touch on a few points I've noticed in the reading, because I'm starting to see wonderfully colorful and exciting patterns in what Melissa is assigning us and the discussion we're having in class, and outside in the writing center as well. I love seeing the names of author's I've actually read something from, crop up in something else I'm reading. I love love love it. :) It makes me feel all connected and in the loop and what not. I don't feel like I'm grasping into the dark abyss trying to figure out how to connected almost entirely unrelated material that is just handed to me to be read and understood. I don't know why this is such a big deal to me, but I have an inkling that it has something to do with the previous 14 years of public schooling I have participated in that rarely seemed helpful and never connected.

Anyway, Its super late and I'll get back to this tomorrow when my brain can function.

Journal #1

I am going to apologize in advance if this particular entry isn't the most shining example of my experience over the past couple of weeks. I just spent the past hour trying to get AWAY from the insanity that is the football game outside and was forced out of my house by partially drunk roommates taking shots to awful country and mainstream radio music. I have no sanctuary at the moment other then my beloved library and for that I am eternally grateful.

Onward with my official record of experience: I had a lot of questions today that I knew asking would be equivalent to pointless. Some of them go as such, "Fundamental problems of education in high school to college... deficiency in high school is not address and turns into obstacles in college, why aren't these simple issues addressed? How do you make an even ground or playing field, so to speak, for general education to use as a foundation to build on without being a complete socialist? Ideals can be dangerous when gripped so readily, whole-heartedly and desperately. Passion leads to real difference. But how long can you do it? Be passionate? You need your one success. How practical is it to be idealistically passionate, optimistic and essentially naive? Where's the balance of optimism and cynicism (or realist, skeptic)?"

I know some of those aren't exactly questions but they were my mental monologue from our class discussion tonight. And answering those questions would take hours of debate and research and endless revision and some simply can not be answered at all. So I come to a very hard decision for myself to resign to the fate that, as a prospective teacher, out to make a DIFFERENCE, and change the way things work, at some point, in some way, I have to realize that my ideals are sometimes more dangerous then the potential harm the current system is creating. That said, I had some good connections I made with our readings over the past two weeks

Out of all five of our readings, Bruffee's "Conversation of Mankind" struck the strongest cord with me. I am almost in love with his idea of our thoughts, writing and conversation and how they are all inexplicably connected via ourselves and others. When I read that last night, I sat and thought about everything and in relation to his statements and realized that I had subconsciously known what he was saying for a long time and it was starting to come out little by little but that particular article really brought it all out, all at once. As much as North's first article on the "Idea of a Writing Center" really makes a kind of manifesto and call to arms, I thought that what Bruffee had to say was a lot more meaningful and applicable and not so unrealistically idealistic.

I appreciated North's effort as well in his second article, even knowing that most of the WC community disregarded it and still put his first on its honorary pedestal. I thought I had some good discussion questions, but I had a hard time thinking of something compelling that wasn't just an observation. Forming an actual question with an actual question mark proved to be the hardest task for me this week. The reading and my very limited experience in the Center so far hadn't hit a particular chord with me that would prompt deep questions. I really enjoyed the reading, as well as my time in the Center and am becoming all the more excited to work in the Center, but as of yet, no real burning questions that aren't annoying vague and philosophical in nature. I dropped that damn class to get away from the irritating dissatisfaction of never getting a straight answer only to find that I could only form such observations myself.

I am beginning to realize the potential affect I can have on those who use our services and I'm also beginning to understand how much I'm going to LEARN through this experience. And that is why I chose to try and be a part of it, I wanted to learn all o this and its putting me in some pretty deep states of contemplation because I am in dire confusion about my current academic path. I am realizing I hold a much stronger passion for writing and the amazing feats it can accomplish within an individual and how I can facilitate that amazing change to occur with just the right circumstances and knowledge versus my art degree.

My question to myself at the moment has come down to which way I want to make a possible, hopeful difference in people's lives. It was scary how much I realized tonight how dangerous my ideals with what I want to personally accomplish are, as they were when North made his manifesto to the WC community over 20 years ago.
I have so much to think about, so much to figure out and so much to look forward over the next semester and those following it no matter which path I decide upon, writing or art.
So far, I'm having a blast!

2nd Day, 1st Presentation

My second day in the center went very smoothly. I wasn't there for that long but Melissa did inform me that there would be an in-class presentation later on that I could sit in on if I felt up to it. I agreed, and returned to the center after a short lunch.

The presentation was interesting. I hadn't thought to entertain even half of the questions that the students asked. It was an English 101 class, and I can relate to what they must have been feeling their second semester in a college english class. What they neglect to tell you in high school is that there is a drastic difference in the set up, workload and material covered in college english classes versus high school.

In high school, we always focused on the reading side of english and the writing came later. It wasn't until my junior and senior years that about half of the focus was on the actual act of writing. And if you weren't in an AP level class or some other substitute for the general english course, you didn't develop much if at all as a writer.

The students today in the presentation really opened up my eyes to how different people progress and approach themselves as writers. As I said today, I have always been put in that "gifted" group when it came to anything language and comprehension related. I have a hard time sympathizing with other writers about their difficulties because I've never really been in a lot of the same positions as them. I have always had the fortunate luck of writing always coming easily and I usually have a constant string of dialogue going on in my head that I edit and revise and try to retain if I can't scrawl it down right away. I'm always thinking of writing and composing and how to say this and that. And why this, how that, what that, blah blah blah.

Its tiring being in my brain to say the least. But today gave me something new to contemplate, its given me the idea of difficulties writing and structuring and brainstorming that I hadn't ever really given thought. I am starting to lose nervousness about being in the center consulting, and starting to get excited to start seeing what I encounter.

I'm glad I took the time today to go and sit in and even mildly participate in on the presentation, I know that the set up we had today wasn't the norm as far as presentations go, but I liked what I saw and would love to do them later on next semester. I think it would be super fun to try and get people used to the idea that writing is something they can't avoid, will have to learn to do and do well and possibly even create a passion for.

STOKED!

My "official" journal entry should be the next entry.

1st day in the Center - Not consulting

I was a bit nervous as to how I was going to spend TWO hours (which seemed like a really long time) in the center but was amazed at how easily time just flew on by.
I was asked to clear out old files and was complimented on how industrious I was being by Joy.
Thank you Joy! :)

I made an hour and a half go by and I watched Phil and Jenny deal with people with appointments and those that just had some questions. As for clearing out a drawer in the file cabinets it made me realize the number of potential ESL people that come in. All of our clients today weren't native english speakers. It should be pretty fun, especially since I think asians are a giant kick in the pants!

I think its gonna be super fun in the center, especially when everyone is a lot more comfortable with each other and us newbs know whats going on. I'm excited to go back on wednesday and scope out the book shelves and devise an awesome organizing plan.
Its one of my favorite things to do, organize. :)
Keep that in mind Melissa.

I'm a bit ahead of the game;

This blog has a purely academic function in the sense that I will write about experiences I have during a certain course I am taking. I waffled (yes, that is a word, me and my mother will debate until the death that it is) on wether or not I wanted to do typical word documents of my experiences in English 303, the Writing Center and any other fantastic phenomena that surround such things and email them in a equally typical and boring fashion. Always on the edge of over personalizing everything in my life, I chose the option to blog purely for the ease of it. It made me feel more comfortable about talking candidly about experiences I've had. I could collectively take a weeks worth of observations and build them into a type of revised essay that would count as the actual journal. I hope you like this idea Melissa, as normally this is how I work. I write like mad, all over corners of pages, ripped out pages that I can't throw away for fear of dire environmental recourse and than I frantically collect all the bits and pieces into something that resembles a coherent piece of writing that reflects on a particular space of time and thought.

I also like the idea that if need be, others could see my experiences. I mean if you're going to put all this up on a tiny little piece of the corkboard that is the Internet, might as well give others the options to weigh in on your experience versus theirs and who ever else may feel like chiming in. I know that social networking has been taken to absolutely gross invasions of privacy in the past and present, but being a responsible adult (I think), I believe I know the distinguishing fine lines of which not to cross for posting events, thoughts, debates, beliefs etc.

I had a lot of thoughts on the class we had tonight and also the conference we had last week. I throughly enjoyed meeting the veterans, I had the great pleasure of sitting next to Ian and RE the whole time and getting they're feedback as well as Phil's. I've had previous experience with Phil, on the occasion that I could not track you down Melissa for our initial interview that had to take place via telephone. I immediately felt entirely too excited to be potentially working with someone who ACTUALLY wore suspenders. I was like a kid in a candy store, but more like the girl starved for originality in a world so full of fabrications of ideas and merit. I want nothing more than to be surrounded by the beauty that is vision and motivation to create things that are purely YOUR OWN.

I have a feeling I will habitually exceed the 500 - 600 word limit on these entries as I don't expect you to count all the little bits and just the one I label JOURNAL #1. I just want context into how I got into all the particular phases of discussion and reflection that I will come into. Another thing I crave more than originality and purity of ideas and thought and discussion is the fact that too much of our world operates on little to no context. I drive myself crazy at night wondering how much better the world would be if we all asked each other two or three more questions to get a more firm grasp on the true situation at hand. Anyhow, I can blabber on about context for hours. I have a fascination with it and how it impacts everything around us. Its like some crazy metaphysical force I'm determined to prove in pictures and not words exists. I probably will not succeed.

So forth I have done all of this off the top of my head from what I jotted down in class. I know that we are not required to have an actual journal for the experiences we've had already but it seems unfair to leave out the first, baby steps out. I am about to get my notebook back out and talk a little bit about a few ideas I've had in the back of my mind and some that came out while I was in class.

I want to make a personal statement and observation I've formed since I first opened the wikipage and noticed how much younger and almost underqualified I feel while in class with not just veterans but even my fellow 303ers. I am not just the only sophomore-esque consultant in training but in numbers of years I have to be behind in the race by at least 5. I feel very little compared to everyone else. You could say at about your knees, Melissa. Which is pretty little isn't it?

I didn't want this to get to me too much as we are all technically all on the same page in 303, but I heard others speaking of other upper division classes I'll probably never get to because of the nature of my non-English related degree. I am merely a second year student that happened to experience one of the best years of English instruction she's ever received. And that is a hard title to get from me as I have had many great teachers in high school that I always thought would stay at the top, until I walked into Zach Kopplemann's class. He was my mentor, and in a very detached and distant fashion will continue to be one. I feel that his 101 and 102 classes did so much more than any other classes did (sorry Melissa I am not bashing on your class, I don't know how it could have been in yours, I'm sure it was also equally fantastic).
I feel that I found that one in a hundred chance of finding the class structure and instructor that fit perfectly. I was rather upset when I started in my 101 class having taken extensive english and writing instruction classes that went above and beyond the average high school class in my previous four years of schooling. I was absolutely miffed at the very thought of repeating elementary concepts that I knew I was beyond. I will say that that attitude didn't last long in Koppelmann's class, he whipped it right outta me but challenged it as well. I was asked why, and how more than in any other class I could remember. I had never had to think so freaking much in one sitting as we would in his class because it wasn't about word, structure, format or any other previously conceived English concept. We were working on CONTENT. And writing as a vehicle for effectively making your content not only understood but shared with others.
Zach taught us to be our own consultant in a much more watered down way than I will be by the end of this semester. I was given tools I hadn't thought to use, and hadn't been allowed to use in his class that let me be not just a better writer but a better thinker about writing and subject matter and form and everything else. I flourished and had some of the worst and best writing experiences from his class. I want to make this entry not look so intimidating at first for you, but I left class with a lot of thoughts in my head and so much excitement at what I'm about to do and all kinds of feelings and expectations that I had to get it out before it was a giant waste of cognitive energy.

I'm so excited for this class, and the experiences I'm about to have. I can't thank Zach, and you Melissa enough for giving me this opportunity and I'll also kudos myself too for having the motivation to go and get something I wanted.
Goodnight.